Wednesday, February 16, 2011

How To Write A Paper In College...

Sooo I think it's pretty safe to say that Lauren has gotten me addicted to the website  It's amazing. it directs you to a random webpage based on your interests (ie. arts, photography, comedy, pets, etc.), you look at it, usually respond with some sort of "AWWWEEE" or "HAHAHA!" comment, and then hit Stumble. It directs you to the next page...and you repeat. Needless to say, it's another one of those websites designed for us college students who find Astronomy to be the most boring class in the world... 
But ANYWAY, while "stumbling around" I came across this one page entitled: How To Write A Paper in College/University.  It caught my eye. I read it and laughed pretty hard, saved the page, and brought it back to the room after class. Laur and I then looked at it, tweeked it here and there to fit our era (more importantly, our lives) and now I am here to share it with you! (Again, this is not my original work) And I am being completely honest when I say that this is how papers in college get completed. Ask any student out there...


1. Sit in a hard, wooden chair in a well lit place in front of your lap top.

2. Log onto Facebook, Twitter, Skype, Oovoo, StumbleUpon, and Tumblr. (be sure to put your “away” status up).

3. Read over the essay prompt carefully, to make sure you understand it.

4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your facebook notifications.

6. Call up a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work…and to “talk out your ideas.”

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the prompt again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your facebook notifications.

10. You know, you haven't texted that kid you met during Senior Week in a while…better get that out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Download some new songs from itunes.

13. Check your facebook notifications. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. Skype with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans).

15. Check your facebook notifications.

16. Listen to your new itunes songs and then download some more.

17. Text your friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the
course, the college…and the world at large.

18. Walk to CVS and buy a pack of gum. You've probably run out.

19. While you've got the gum you may as well buy Cosmo and read it with your roommates while taking every quiz possible.

20. Check your facebook notifications.

21. Check every channel on TV to make sure that you aren’t missing out on anything good (Jersey Shore re-runs).

22. Play some computer solitaire or chess…

23. Check out

24. Paint your nails.

25. Text a friend to see how much they have done…probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your roommate’s facebook pictures. Then ask who everyone is…their hobbies…their favorite color…anything really.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the weekend.

28. Check to see if has been updated yet.

29. Check your facebook notifcations and listen to your new itunes downloads.

30. You should be downloading a new update software for your MAC by now, assuming that you’re still getting about 15 notifications a day.

31. Read over the essay prompt one more time, just for hell of it.

32. Walk across the room to the window and watch the drug deal take place.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan…loudly.

34. Bang your head against the wall…and then regret it.

35. Check your facebook notifications.

36. Yell curse words at the top of your lungs…and then make coffee.

37. 5am - start working on the essay without stopping even to breathe. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Make more coffee.

39. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

40. Go to class, hand in paper, and leave right away so you can take a 5 hour nap before you get started on your next paper due tomorrow.

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